A few days ago, I met some people that I still can’t get enough of for me to meet them.
When I heard their voices, my breath hitched.
When I heard their footsteps approaching me, my body started trembling.
For some time I held back and reassured myself that I was fine, I could meet those who came to visit.
I hugged myself, a butterfly hug, patted my shoulder a few times, and said “it’s okay, everything will be fine.”
But in fact, my condition did not improve, I immediately cried. I let out a cry very quietly and as much as possible not heard by anyone.
Because I wouldn’t be able to give a reason why I was crying if they asked.
And still, my condition did not get better.
And in the end, I cried a lot, suffocated, in a state of trembling.
I couldn’t meet those who came to see me.
I can’t face them yet.
I had to let go of my trauma for a moment while crying.
But I endured.
It’s okay for me when I need to cry alone.
It’s okay when I try to survive.
It’s okay for me when I give myself some space and keep try to breathe, even though it’s still very congested.
I just wanted to prolong my life again in good shape and by that time I had won the situation over myself, over those traumas.
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay.